big brothers interview

I’m volunteering for the Dallas school district‘s ninth-grade mentoring program, which is run by Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Last week, I had my interview to determine if I was fit to be a mentor. Lots of detailed, embarassing questions: Do you possess any child pornography? Have you, as an adult, ever physically beaten a child? How did your last significant relationship end? Have you ever worshipped Satan? What are your views on the use of illegal drugs? Have you ever been drunk?
The guy two desks away from me at work is volunteering, too, so when I heard he was going to have his interview yesterday, I warned him to get ready for these sorts of questions. After his interview, though, he tells me he didn’t get any of those questions. Which leads me to the inescapable conclusion that, to my interviewer, I just looked like a kiddie-porn-loving, Satan-worshipping, child-abusing drunken druggie. I’m not taking it as a compliment.

9 thoughts on “big brothers interview”

  1. “I just looked like a kiddie-porn-loving, Satan-worshipping, child-abusing drunken druggie.”
    Um… well, if you had a picture of you up, we could all console you about how far from the truth that is, and all.
    But as it stands… the only picture we have is the howdy man from Texas Tales. And if you look _anything_ like him, I’d have asked you about a lot more than just Satanism and kiddie porn.
    ; )

  2. If it’s absolutely necessary to know what I look like, there are a few photos of me over at chimchim’s site. (I’m the bearded guy in the first photo. Maybe it’s the beard that makes me look Satanic. 🙂 )

  3. I often confuse you with Anton LeVay.
    So do those questions have wrong answers? Is it like a blood test where certain things instantly disqualify you?

  4. I was wondering that too. I’d imagine that saying, “Yes, I own child pornography” would be a no-go. But when I asked my interviewer, she said that if you said you had some non-kiddie porn, you could probably still get in — but you’d have to show it to your interviewer. “Here, nice lady, look at my porn.”

  6. Um….this might be my fault. They called me as a reference, and I tried to lie but that woman was tough! So I told them about the children you had chained in your basement in Toledo. I mentioned that at least you fed them, so I think you’re still in. Don’t mention it.

  7. Thanks for the picks… nah, you don’t look like a Satanist.
    With the beard and the friendly smile, you look more like an ex-Satanist. You know… like the lead singer from Metallica.

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