Month: November 2004

I wonder if Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are dating because they actually like each other or just because they wanted to set a new Hollywood record for most consecutive uses of the letter “a” in a couple’s last names.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m guessing it’s not a good thing that I just got a haircut that makes me look like Alfred Kinsey.

How not to be a good, objective journalist: Call up the voice mail of a conservative organization and leave this message: “I wanted to tell you that you’re evil, horrible people. You’re awful people. You represent horrible ideas. God hates you and he wants to kill your children. You should all burn in hell. Bye.”
And if you’re going to leave such a message — again, such an act is officially discouraged — for heaven’s sake, don’t leave your work phone as the call-back number.
Unsurprisingly, Rachel Buchman “has decided to move forward with her career and her life.” Or at least her life — her resume will be kryptonite to any hiring editor.

Is there a less nutritious food in the world than Airheads candy? A strong gust of wind probably has more vitamins, and a handful of pebbles is probably better for you.
But, o the childhood memories a well-timed Airhead can summon.

Vaguely pretentious promo documentary on American Music Club, from circa 1993 (“Mercury” era).
It must have been confusing as hell to live in Alaska on October 7, 1867. (“Thus shortly after Saturday 7th had already started it became Friday 18th. Alaska had two consecutive Fridays, and the days 7th to 17th October were omitted.”)
Why did no one tell me there was a Muppet version of The Wizard of Oz in production? Starring Jeffrey Tambor as the Wizard and Quentin Tarantino as “Himself”? My mind is already blown in anticipation.

Great Yale prank pulled at this year’s Harvard game, in which clueless alumni of that school in Cambridge are tricked into admitting the obvious: “We suck.”
More here, with video.

This story ran on Friday’s front page: “It’s the latest in a long line of conundrums facing the troubled district: Wilmer-Hutchins manages to have too many employees and too few at the same time.”
I’m back from vacation, ready to post like a madman!

Today’s W-H story (and it’s kind of a fun one): “In August, Wilmer-Hutchins board President Luther Edwards described the troubled district’s leaders as a ‘team of nine’

Just because I know you’re all itching for a fantasy-football update: My team, the Bum Phillippi, remains in first place of my 10-team league. Led this week by strong performances from Michael Pittman, Donovan McNabb, and LaDainian Tomlinson, the B.P. had little trouble crushing yet another opponent, bringing its season record to a triumphant 9-2.
My boys are now mathematically assured a spot in the four-team playoffs. They will almost certainly be joined by Orlando Cabrera (8-3, led by Peyton Manning and a resurgent Edgerrin James), Hopeless Endeavor (also 8-3, relying on Shaun Alexander and a waiting-to-be-hobbled Curtis Martin), and Ignignokt and Err (7-4, doomed by Priest Holmes’ injury).
For the record, the Bum Phillippi’s roster at the moment (backups in parentheses):
QB: Donovan McNabb (David Carr)
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson, Rudi Johnson, Michael Pittman (Thomas Jones)
WR/TE: Roy Williams, Isaac Bruce, Keenan McCardell (Plaxico Burress, Laveranues Coles, Amani Toomer, Randy McMichael)
K: Adam Vinatieri
DL: Patrick Kerney, Charles Grant, Will Witherspoon
DB: Lito Sheppard, Deshea Townshend

Story from Saturday: “The Wilmer-Hutchins schools may soon be cutting ties with some of its most troubled figures. James Damm, the district’s interim superintendent, has recommended terminating the contracts of Superintendent Charles Matthews, maintenance director Wallace Faggett and district lawyer James Belt.”
There was no Wilmer-Hutchins story in Sunday’s or Monday’s paper. This is a stunning development. In fact, there will likely only be two W-H stories in the paper over the next week. This is a sign of unparalleled slackerdom on my part, and I am not ashamed.