So good to see that my all-time favorite political candidate, Ed Emery, is running for Congress again. This would be the same Ed Emery whose listed profession is “unemployed sociologist” — aren’t we all? — and who was arrested on election day in 1998 for stalking and resisting arrest after continually slipping threatening messages into his neighbor’s newspapers. (He was the endorsed Republican in the race, which shows how much of a non-factor the G.O.P. is in Toledo politics.) Ed was again convicted last August of puncturing a tire on the neighbor’s car and, according to the complaint against him, “scattering dog feces in her yard.”
He was last spotted “advising” the Toledo mayoral campaign of famed local looney Opal Covey, best known for her animal cruelty convictions (stemming from the 400-plus animals she kept in her disgusting home) and her listed profession: “former thrift shop owner and self-proclaimed minister.”
Now, journalists covering an election have an enormous responsibility to be fair and balanced in the way they do their work. So when, for example, Opal was running for mayor, reporters covering something one of the legitimate candidates in the race did would always have to include her in their stories. You know, things like: “Candidate Jack Ford wants to increase police salaries 15 percent over the next three years. Candidate Opal Covey, in contrast, wants police officers to all learn how to play flute, sousaphone, or triangle and form a department marching band, available to frighten children at birthday parties.”
Okay, I made that one up, but she did say her method for revitalizing Toledo’s dismal downtown was building a huge amusement park in the middle of all the pretty tall buildings. And she did say Toledo doesn’t need any public transit, because “I like riding in my own vehicle.”
Luckily, I’m no longer a journalist covering Toledo politics, so I can come out and say it: Crazy!