front page story, molly’s article about me

What a day. First, my ugly mug gets looped all night on TXCN. Then I’m at the top of the front page of today’s paper.
But those pale in comparison to getting profiled in the pages of today’s Yale Daily News.
Remember all those nice things I said about Molly a few days back? I take them all back. She is a one-woman web of deceit. To point out only a few of the scurrilous lies in her article:
– To write, as Molly does, that “Josh subsists entirely on burritos prepared by a greasy fast-food joint five blocks away” is both inaccurate and disrespectful to the fine folks at Chipotle. I would like to point out that (a) Molly had no complaints about the three meals we ate there during her 10-day stay, at one point requesting it as a dinner location, and (b) when we ate there, she showed a nasty tendency to spill guac on herself. The resultant pants stains are clearly at least partially behind her burrito animus.
Also, I occasionally eat at Wendy’s.
– Quote: “Consequently, his fridge contains only a case of Samuel Adams and a carton of yogurt that expired sometime around Halloween. I assume he bought the yogurt to impress girls.” If Molly would have taken the time to report accurately, she would have known that the case is actually of year-old homebrew straight from Toledo, Ohio. And the yogurt expired only days before her arrival. As for the impressing girls part, well, we all know nothing impresses the ladies like old yogurt.
– Quote: “Of course, there were a few things about Josh and his apartment that I found alien to Yale life. His shower was completely free of tumbleweed-sized hairballs and breast self-examination placards. [This much is true. -ed.] There was not one unexplained stain on his entire couch. [Luckily, she didn’t flip the cushions.] His copies of Maxim were stacked neatly on the coffee table, rather than lying dog-eared on the floor with the “Girls of Cosmo Surrender!” centerfold ripped out. [She fails to point out I recently let my subscription lapse. Purposefully.]”
I’ve learned a lot from the experience of being written about. I’ve learned to never trust a reporter again. Wait a minute.

8 thoughts on “front page story, molly’s article about me”

  1. Boy do I feel sorry for you. Being on television. Getting a story on the front page. Being profiled by your old paper. Life is rough, indeed. What will they do to you next, give you the Pulitzer???

  2. Tiger Beat? Is that magazine still published?
    And I agree with Kelly. Front page, TV, profiled, beer in your fridge, tasty yogurt, quite the life there Mr. Benton.

  3. Yeah, Luke, you’re on the cover of this month’s issue, you teen phenom you.
    And Kelly, I must point out that the YDN was not my old paper — it was the bitter rival of my old paper, the Herald. Most people can be excused for not knowing that, but Kelly, did you learn nothing from our two years together? 🙂

  4. I learned enough to know that yogurt will still be there when the next extern comes.
    Seriously, I beg your forgiveness. I knew you worked at the Herald, but it slipped my mind. By the way, I love the work you’re doing at the Dallas Observer:)

  5. hey. good for you on letting maxim lapse. i liked it enough when i read it in the laundry room to subscribe.. then realized after, oh, 3 issues that it’s shit. shit! not to say i won’t read my roommate’s copy every now and then but DAMN. 🙂

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