m&m/skittle conspiracy

More news from the M&M vote fraud front.
(First-time readers may not know that I’ve been carrying out a lonely campaign for candy-coated justice for some time now; you may wish to read this, this, and this before going further. In particular, I’ve uncovered the great tan M&M fraud of 1995, the lies Mars Inc. tells about its colored past, and the mysterious aqua chad scandal.)
Today’s new investigative direction comes courtesty of Katie, who pointed out to me that M&Ms aren’t the only candy going through a color change. Packages of Skittles currently feature a white candy (Klan influence at work?) that they’re terming the Mystery Flavor. Could this fit into the M&M conspiracy?
Point one: Skittles and M&Ms, although viewed as traditional rivals, are in fact owned by the same company, Mars. A quick check of the Mars web site uncovers a weird, Rand-ian conflation of robber-baron capitalism and self-actualization, just the kind of mix that can lead to tyranny. (The fifth “corporate principal” of Mars is “freedom”: “We need freedom to shape our future; we need profit to remain free.” Tell me that doesn’t sound like George Orwell meets Michael Milken.)
Point two: Skittles has already shown a desire to infiltrate young minds and make them consider the contemplation of candy colors higher-order thought. The school-based Skittles Challenge 2002 may simply look like brilliant marketing to many, but to a perceptive eye, it’s a naked grab of hearts and minds.
Point three: Could the Skittles mystery color be a mere “holding place” for whatever color gets summarily dumped from the M&M pack once purple, pink, or aqua gets railroaded in? Mars could have lots of brown, green, or red dye to get rid of once the coup is completed.
Point four: Could the mystery Skittle be, in fact, a delivery system for psychotropic drugs designed to make the M&M color transition smooth? Its “flavor,” if indeed it has one, is difficult to ascertain; Katie describes it as “reminiscent of licorice and yak vomit.” I’m not sure Katie knows this, but yak vomit is known throughout the Chinese interior as a powerful mind-control drug, often used by Maoist rebels in the 1940s and later during both the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution.
We have many more questions than we have answers. But answers will come, friends. Oh, they will come.

5 thoughts on “m&m/skittle conspiracy”

  1. DUDES! This is some of the best reporting I’ve read in forever! I dare you to find me a more through investigation into the Mars candy juggernaut!

  2. i never comment on these blog things. for a really good blog, check out http://www.sassyandseksi.com -> i read it every day. it’s like a train crash in progress; you can’t help but look! anyway. i was going to bring up dave attell’s thing on skittles, but it’s really not on skittles, it’s more about cigs. so nevermind.

  3. Well, after reading your previous posts on the 1995 railroading out of town of the color tan, I felt compelled to got the site and write in TAN.

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