larry king’s column returns

I must admit I was pleased to see Larry King lose his USA Today column last year. It was, after all, consistently the worst piece of high-profile “journalism” in America, a nonsensical string of celebrity suckups, meaningless observations, and unsupportable claims, all assembled with the coherence of an ADD eight-year-old playing with Legos. (It was even made subject of a half-ass crabwalk.com parody back in October.)
But it’s somehow strangely satisfying to see his column reappear at CNN’s site as “King’s Things.” It gives hope to those of us who struggle with our inner mediocrity. To save you 10 clicks, here is King’s column this week, in its entirety:
Do you see any hotels use keys anymore? I hate the cards and the flashing green or red lights… Whatever happened to Newt Gingrich? I never see him anymore… Art Howe is baseball’s most underrated manager. He consistently gets the most out of the Oakland A’s… You look up “funny” in the dictionary, you get a picture of Lewis Black. The man is flat-out hilarious… My friend Rich Cohen has written a mini-masterpiece. “Lake Effect,” a memoir of growing up in suburban Chicago, will hold you every page… I’m so old I can remember when they actually called “walks” in the NBA. Every game I see at least 10 traveling violations without any whistle… Have you seen anyone smoking a pipe lately? Whatever happened to those little wooden things?… To me the jockey is the best athlete, all things considered. Therefore, Laffit Pincay should have a statue erected of him… New York-New York in Las Vegas is a fun hotel. However, the roller coaster is not my cup of tea … Has Robert B. Parker ever written a bad book? The man is one terrific writer.