Month: April 2004

That’s a hell of a most recent entry.

Here’s my column from today’s paper, on the push to shrink class sizes — and how smaller classes don’t have the academic impact you might expect.

Jiri Jirout is a geek god.

Well, I have now officially run my first race: the 3.5-mile JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge.
Regular readers may remember that I started running for the first time in my life back in November, after getting back from Zambia. And while I’ve been regularly able to run 6-7 miles at a time, it’s all been indoors on a treadmill. There aren’t many races held indoor on a treadmill, though, and if I hope to meet my goal — a half-marathon less than three months away — I had to be able to run outdoors.
I actually finished without much of a problem, and with a slightly better time than I’d been hoping for, 32:26. That’s about a 9:15 pace, which is about a 2:01 half-marathon.
Then I remembered that there was a hold-up at the race’s start — I was kinda far back in the 5,000 runners and, as a result, didn’t even reach the starting line until about 30 seconds into the race. So I mentally reduced my time to 31:56.
Then I remembered that the first quarter-mile or so was still awfully crowded, forcing everyone around me to walk for certain portions. I figured that’s worth about another 56 seconds, so that drops me to 31:00 even.
Then I remembered that the temperature, while bearable, was slightly warmer than would be optimal. That certainly cost me another two minutes, dropping me to 29:00.
Then I remembered that the humidity was a touch high, and that there was one block where there was a strong, sudden breeze obstructing my natural path. While the breeze was only momentary, it messed with my head and, I believe, cost me about three minutes.
Then I remembered that all this trouble in Iraq has really been getting me down lately, and that the recent Fallujah uprising has prevented me from reaching my mental peak — my Zone, if you will — in preparation for this race. That’s six minutes right there.
Finally, I remembered that Elvis Presley had, in fact, a twin brother named Jesse who was stillborn, and that some have argued that Elvis’ musical abilities were inherited or transfered in some way from his dead twin. And I remembered that something similar must have happened to me, in reverse. I remembered that, while I was in fact not a twin, I was likely spiritually twinned to some other child on earth and that, in all likelihood, I had amazing, Olympic-caliber running ability that was mysteriously transfered to this spiritual twin upon our births, separated by some distance though they were. If I can ever find this spiritual twin and perform a ceremony of athletic reunion, I believe I shall be granted this amazing, Olympic-caliber running ability again. I don’t think the fact that I have not yet found this twin should be held against me. Therefore, that’s worth about nine minutes.
So, to conclude, I actually ran today’s race in 11:00 flat, a world-record 3:08 pace. So I think I did pretty well.

For a geek like me, this is just as scary as a loaded firearm. A couple quick swipes and my life goes away.

Some classic song titles on the new McLusky album, including:
1. Without MSG I Am Nothing
2. That Man Will Not Hang
4. Kkkitchens, What Were You Thinking?
5. Your Children Are Waiting For You to Die
6. Icarus Smicarus
8. You Should Be Ashamed, Seamus
10. Forget About Him, I’m Mint
11. 1956 and All That
12. Falco vs. the Young Canoeist

Adventures in Self-Delusion: I just loooove this excerpt from Karen Hughes’ new book, in which she discusses (gasp) leaks of information to the media:
“I don’t know how these kinds of leaks happen: I don’t think, as some of the critics do, that reporters make it up. The way reporters frame their stories sometimes shades or colors them, but I do not believe that most of the journalists I know fabricate news. Someone gives them the information…But the use of unnamed sources has become a convenient way for too many political operatives to hide and avoid accountability for their statements…I hope that thoughtful members of the journalistic community will consider dramatically reducing their reliance on anonymous sources; it would be healthy for American democracy to put it on the record.”
Puh-leeze. I’m all for a healthy critique of anonymous sourcing. But Karen Hughes? A former TV reporter herself, saying she doesn’t know where these crazy journalists come up with these things? The amazing condescension of “I don’t think…that reporters make it up”? As if she’s never been the “senior administration official” cited in a leak? Calling on reporters to put things on the record when her administration has been one of the (if not the) most secretive in American history? Balderdash, I say.

I hope you’ll excuse one moment of stupid, annoying alma mater pride: Woo hoo! It’s a dumb, vaguely offensive competition, I know. But it’s better to win than to lose.
Over the years, I’ve done admissions interviews for four high school seniors who have applied to Yale (a la this story I wrote in February). Not a one has gotten in. Then again, I suppose if the acceptance rate is 9.9 percent, I’d need to interview six more kids just to get the odds of an acceptance in my favor.

Huge congratulations to my old colleagues at The Toledo Blade, who won the highest award in journalism today: the Pulitzer Prize for Investigative Reporting. The Blade is one of the few newspapers of its size (140,000 daily circulation) that is willing to put significant resources into investigations like these, and for that it should be congratulated and honored. (The Blade was also a finalist for the investigative Pulizer in 2000.) Special congrats to my former partner in crime Mike Sallah.
In case you have ever had occasion to doubt my predictive powers, I point you to this November entry: “[P]rops to Mike Sallah and Mitch Weiss at my old non-college paper for writing a series on Vietnam war crimes that will in all likelihood win a Pulitzer Prize. My only regret: If I was still in Toledo, I know I’d be getting a piece of that Pulitzer. Mike and I were the go-to p. 1 projects team for my last year there.”
Not that I’m bitter that coming to the Dallas Morning News — which seemed like a no-brainer career move — in all likelihood meant losing a Pulitzer Prize. No, not bitter at all.
The Dallas Morning News also won a Pulitzer today, in breaking news photography. Congrats to David and Cheryl, two extraordinarily talented people I’ve had the pleasure to work with on several occasions. Here are the winning photos.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in the bathtub, slitting my wrists.

Last week, I posted a paean to mid-’80s sitcom It’s Your Move. Quoting this episode summary, I made reference to “Matthew’s idiot buddy Eli (Adam Jay Sadowsky).”
(Eli, you see, was supposed to hire the band Morning Breath for a school dance, but he loses the money. As a result, show hero Matthew [Jason Bateman] has to invent a new band, the Dregs of Humanity. Much hilarity ensues.)
Anyway, what should my referrer logs tell me but the fact that Adam Jay Sadowsky has a web site and (since this is 2004) has a blog. From the site we learn Adam is a left-leaning hippopotami lover and can script in Perl, Python, and Tcl. He seems to have adjusted into a perfectly normal techie.
But best of all, you can hear, in glorious stereo sound, Eli is GOD (4.2 megs), an ode to Adam’s It’s Your Move character performed by a band called Amygdala: The Nocturnal Burrito. It even features audio from the show! Surely, a classic.
I just landed in Seattle — expect sporadic (if any) postings through Monday.