jpmorgan race

Well, I have now officially run my first race: the 3.5-mile JPMorgan Chase Corporate Challenge.
Regular readers may remember that I started running for the first time in my life back in November, after getting back from Zambia. And while I’ve been regularly able to run 6-7 miles at a time, it’s all been indoors on a treadmill. There aren’t many races held indoor on a treadmill, though, and if I hope to meet my goal — a half-marathon less than three months away — I had to be able to run outdoors.
I actually finished without much of a problem, and with a slightly better time than I’d been hoping for, 32:26. That’s about a 9:15 pace, which is about a 2:01 half-marathon.
Then I remembered that there was a hold-up at the race’s start — I was kinda far back in the 5,000 runners and, as a result, didn’t even reach the starting line until about 30 seconds into the race. So I mentally reduced my time to 31:56.
Then I remembered that the first quarter-mile or so was still awfully crowded, forcing everyone around me to walk for certain portions. I figured that’s worth about another 56 seconds, so that drops me to 31:00 even.
Then I remembered that the temperature, while bearable, was slightly warmer than would be optimal. That certainly cost me another two minutes, dropping me to 29:00.
Then I remembered that the humidity was a touch high, and that there was one block where there was a strong, sudden breeze obstructing my natural path. While the breeze was only momentary, it messed with my head and, I believe, cost me about three minutes.
Then I remembered that all this trouble in Iraq has really been getting me down lately, and that the recent Fallujah uprising has prevented me from reaching my mental peak — my Zone, if you will — in preparation for this race. That’s six minutes right there.
Finally, I remembered that Elvis Presley had, in fact, a twin brother named Jesse who was stillborn, and that some have argued that Elvis’ musical abilities were inherited or transfered in some way from his dead twin. And I remembered that something similar must have happened to me, in reverse. I remembered that, while I was in fact not a twin, I was likely spiritually twinned to some other child on earth and that, in all likelihood, I had amazing, Olympic-caliber running ability that was mysteriously transfered to this spiritual twin upon our births, separated by some distance though they were. If I can ever find this spiritual twin and perform a ceremony of athletic reunion, I believe I shall be granted this amazing, Olympic-caliber running ability again. I don’t think the fact that I have not yet found this twin should be held against me. Therefore, that’s worth about nine minutes.
So, to conclude, I actually ran today’s race in 11:00 flat, a world-record 3:08 pace. So I think I did pretty well.