Author: jbenton

bush v. kerry = subway v. subway

The branding of the president. Consumer research uncovers which brand names supporters of Bush and Kerry associate with the two candidates. For instance, Bush supporters think of Kerry as a snooty Starbucks guy. Kerry supporters think of Bush as a tasteless Bud Light.
The key finding, however, is in the fast-food category. Bush supporters think of their man as a Subway guy and Kerry as McDonald’s. (Perhaps a Clinton image hangover there.)
But Kerry supporters also think of their man as a Subway guy and view Bush as McDonald’s. In other words, both sides view Subway as a symbol of their guy and McDonald’s as the boo-hiss symbol of their enemy.
Clearly, Jared’s endorsement will prove pivotal.

pixies photo

picture(8).jpg
This is photographic proof that my illness subsided sufficiently for me to see the Pixies last night. Damn it, if I pay $50 for tickets, I can will sickness away! Maybe that’s the solution for Third World illnesses. Force every cholera victim in Bolivia to buy $50 Pixies tickets, then tell them they’ll go to waste unless they feel better. Bingo: No more cholera.
Dude, doesn’t Frank Black look great in that photo? And I love the look on Kim Deal’s face.

random sick links

Random, disjointed, Nyquil-addled thoughts:
– I am sick. Sick as a dog. A dog who hasn’t gotten its shots. And hasn’t been eating his Science Diet at proper intervals. Fever got up to 103.5 last night, and I last slept on Friday night. Bone-shaking chills alternating with sixth-circle-of-hell sweats. Body aches, sandpaper throat, a throbbing head. All around fun times.
Sure sounds flu-ish, but I suspect the assortment of fried objects at the State Fair on Saturday played a role.
On the plus side, I’m feeling significantly better now, thanks. Fever’s down to about 100, and the headache is mostly gone.
– The act of seeking medical attention today was made more difficult by the fact my poodle-loving doctor has shut down his practice. Declared bankruptcy. I hope his poodle will be okay.
– For the record: fried S’mores > fried Snickers > fried marshmallows.
– Got a new cell phone, so you can ignore that note from a couple days ago. Number is the same as before.
– Wonkette has got plenty of links to the Jon Stewart/Tucker Carlson smackdown.
– My fantasy football team, the Bum Phillippi, continues to excel. This week’s matchup was a clash of the nerd-sports-fan titans, as the B.P. took on the only other undefeated team in the league, Orlando Cabrera.
Only one man’s misguided projection of his masculinity would be left standing! Only one man would still be able to vicariously live his high school fantasies of athletic success through the large, well-paid gentlemen of the NFL!
That one man is, natch, me, as the B.P. made mincemeat out of that mouse. The Phillippi now stand alone atop the league at 6-0. I suspect the ’72 Dolphins are getting nervous.

swazye redux, cell phone

Two important events that occurred to me at the State Fair last night:
– After ordering a Fletcher’s corny dog, the young man behind the counter, apropos of nothing, said: “Anybody ever tell you you look just like that guy in Ghost?”
Yes, the allegations that I look like Patrick Swayze have returned. And my hair’s not even particularly long at the moment! I continue to be unflattered.
– While riding those big fast-moving rotating swings (sorry, forgot the ride’s name), my cell phone somehow worked its way loose from my left pants pocket. At a high rate of speed, and with remarkable accuracy, it flung itself many yards away, straight into concrete. (It also nearly clubbed a toothless old man in the face.)
The phone worked, amazingly enough, for one phone call after that. But then death came. So, if you’re trying to reach me in the next few days, chances are slim I’ll be answering my cell. Try me instead at my work number (10-7, M-F, roughly) or at home.

two whisd stories

Here’s my story from today’s paper: “Wilmer-Hutchins Superintendent Charles Matthews received more than $16,000 in illegal pay last year, according to investigators.”
Also, I forgot to link my story from Tuesday’s paper: “Nearly 20 percent of Wilmer-Hutchins employees will have to be laid off in the coming months, many of them as soon as next week, school district officials said. That total could include more than 30 teachers.”